Why Acceptance Hurts - And Why It Still Matters in Chronic Illness

I'm currently writing shorter blog posts that take about four minutes to read as I know that reading longer articles might be challenging for some. However, I have previously delved into the topic of acceptance in chronic illness in a longer, more personal article. If you're interested, you can check it out [here].

For many living with chronic illness, the word acceptance can feel loaded, even offensive. It may carry a feeling of resignation, suggest defeat, or imply a passive tolerance of pain and limitation. To be told to accept one’s condition can sound dismissive, especially when that advice comes from those who do not grasp the daily realities of chronic illness. And yet, paradoxically, acceptance is also a cornerstone of psychological flexibility and emotional well-being. One of the most challenging emotional struggles in dealing with chronic illness is finding a balance between resisting and surrendering.

At its worst, acceptance can sound like giving up. For individuals who have spent years fighting to be heard, to get a diagnosis, or to receive competent care, the suggestion to "just accept it" can feel like a betrayal. It can echo the medical gaslighting many have faced, the implication that their suffering is exaggerated or that nothing more can be done. It may also tap into internalized fears of laziness, failure, or worthlessness. Accepting chronic illness, then, is not simply about coming to terms with the symptoms; it also means dealing with changes in identity, societal narratives, and psychological challenges that come with it.

However, true acceptance - far from being passive or defeatist - is an active, courageous process. It involves acknowledging reality as it is, not as we wish it to be. It means facing grief, uncertainty, and loss head-on, without becoming consumed by them. Acceptance allows individuals to let go of constant resistance, which can be physically and emotionally draining, and instead redirect energy toward what is still possible. It opens the door to adaptation, creativity, and the redefinition of goals and values.

Acceptance is also the foundation of flexibility, which is critical when the body and mind are unpredictable. Chronic illness often requires people to adjust plans, routines, and expectations at a moment’s notice. Without some degree of acceptance, this constant change can feel like failure or an unending sense of instability. But with it, flexibility becomes a form of resilience; a way to remain grounded even when the ground keeps shifting. A method to stay anchored even when circumstances are constantly changing.

Importantly, acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on treatment, improvement, or hope. It also doesn’t mean denying feelings like anger, sadness, or frustration. Instead, it allows those emotions to be acknowledged without letting them define or overwhelm your identity. Acceptance is about learning to live with the illness rather than constantly battling against it.

In the end, while acceptance may initially feel like an offensive word that diminishes the enormity of suffering, it can become a powerful turning point. Through acceptance, people with chronic illness may discover freedom within limitations, moments of peace within pain, and a sense of adaptability in the midst of ongoing change. Acceptance, then, is not an end point, but an ongoing practice; one that evolves alongside the body, the illness, and the self.

If this is something you’ve been affected by, please leave a comment below. If there’s something important you’d like to add, please do so. I'd love to hear from you.

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Dr. Ingela Thuné-Boyle is a licensed Practitioner Health Psychologist and a Doctor in Behavioural Medicine who specializes in stress and loss, especially in improving the quality of life of people struggling with long-term health problems, chronic pain and trauma. She runs a private online (telehealth) practice at www.ingelathuneboyle.com.

Please note: Advice given in this blog is not meant to take the place of therapy or any other professional advice. The opinions and views offered by the author is not intended to treat or diagnose, nor is it intended to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician or mental health provider. The author is not responsible for the outcome or results following their information and advice on this blog.