Dr. Ingela Thuné-Boyle
Health Psychologist
Online Therapy

Perfectionism is often praised as a strength. It is associated with high standards, diligence, and responsibility, yet for many people living with chronic pain, perfectionism is not simply a personality trait; it is a nervous system strategy shaped by lived experience. Over time, this strategy can quietly contribute to the persistence and intensification of pain.

Setting boundaries is one of the most important acts of self-care, yet for many people it comes with an uncomfortable emotional cost: guilt. This can be especially true for those living with chronic illness, where boundaries are not just preferences but often necessities to manage limited energy, pain, or fluctuating health. Saying no to social invitations, declining work responsibilities, or asking for accommodations can trigger guilt alongside fears of being a burden, disap

For individuals who have spent their lives over-accommodating, appeasing, and diminishing themselves to maintain peace, establishing boundaries may seem unnatural or even unsafe. This behaviour, known as fawning, is often a trauma response that develops in environments where one's safety relies on pleasing others or avoiding conflict. Over time, this survival strategy becomes ingrained: agreeing when we want to refuse, enduring discomfort to prevent disappointing others,

Relational trauma, which refers to harm occurring within human relationships, significantly impacts how people view safety, trust, and connection. Experiences like neglect, emotional abuse, betrayal, or chronic misattunement (where someone consistently fails to accurately perceive, understand, and respond to another person's emotional state) do not just harm an individual in isolation; they influence the nervous system and the internal expectations one brings into future rela

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) is most often associated with trauma that is chronic, repeated, and rooted in relationships. Unlike single-incident trauma (such as a one-off accident or event) CPTSD develops when a person grows up or lives for long periods in environments that feel unsafe, unpredictable, or emotionally overwhelming.

Near the end of his life, Andy Warhol often repeated the line: “Health is wealth.” It might sound quite obvious, yet it actually demonstrated a deep understanding of what it means to live in a body that can no longer be taken for granted. Indeed, Warhol recognized that when the body fails, the entire world changes. Illness removes the illusion that life is predictable or that tomorrow will be the same as yesterday.

Spirituality can offer profound comfort, meaning, and resilience in the face of chronic illness. It may help individuals find purpose during times of suffering and cultivate inner peace. However, when spiritual beliefs or practices are used to avoid, suppress, or deny the emotional, psychological, or physical challenges of living with illness, this becomes what is known as 'spiritual bypassing'.

When we talk about healing, most people think first about the physical body; lab tests, medications, symptoms, and diagnoses, but an often-overlooked part of recovery is emotional safety: the felt sense of being supported, understood, and free from threat or judgement. Emotional safety is essential in the healing process, not just a nice addition to medical care. It plays a significant practical and biological role in how the body regulates pain, fatigue, inflammation, and st

Something happened this morning that stopped me in my tracks and made me think about all the times I’ve been blamed for things I didn’t do, by people who simply couldn’t take responsibility for their actions. While walking my dog, someone behaved unnecessarily rudely toward us, then immediately apologized. A sincere apology. No defensiveness. No minimizing. Just ownership.

Living with a chronic illness means navigating challenges that reach far beyond physical symptoms. Fatigue, pain, unpredictability, and the ongoing need to adapt your lifestyle can create a heavy emotional and psychological burden. Over time, many people begin to feel isolated, anxious, or overwhelmed, not only by their symptoms, but by the constant impact their condition has on their routines, relationships, and quality of life.

There is a particular kind of suffering that arises not only from physical symptoms, but from the invalidation of those symptoms. Many people living with chronic illness or undiagnosed conditions find themselves in a distressing limbo: feeling profoundly unwell while repeatedly being told by doctors that they are fine because their test results fall within normal ranges. This experience of being caught between undeniable symptoms and an absence of medical validation can be de

Research in psychology, neuroscience, and medicine has increasingly confirmed what many survivors have felt for a long time: the wounds of childhood do not simply disappear over time. Childhood trauma, whether through abuse, neglect, household instability, or chronic emotional stress, can leave lasting marks not only on the mind but also on the body. These effects are not imagined; they operate through clear biological and behavioural pathways

For those who have endured narcissistic abuse (i.e. a pattern of aggressive, manipulative, and controlling behaviors used by someone with narcissistic traits to gain power over another person), the concept of setting boundaries can feel foreign, threatening, or even selfish. In relationships where one’s sense of self has been repeatedly minimized, invalidated, or manipulated, boundaries may have been consistently dismissed or punished.

Living with a chronic illness is already a profound challenge. It often requires immense physical endurance, emotional strength, and a support system that understands the unpredictable and often invisible nature of long-term health conditions. But when someone with chronic illness is also in a narcissistic relationship - whether with a partner, parent, or close family member - the burden can become exponentially heavier.

Living with a chronic illness can quietly erode a person’s sense of self-worth. In a society that tends to prize productivity, independence, and physical vitality, those who live with long-term illness often feel left behind, not only in practical ways, but emotionally and existentially. When illness strips away the ability to work, socialize freely, or participate in daily life without immense effort or pain, it becomes easy to internalize a painful message: I am less worthy

Anger is a powerful and inherently normal human emotion. For those living with chronic illness, it can be a frequent, complex, and often misunderstood part of the emotional experience. While sadness, anxiety, and grief are widely acknowledged emotional responses to illness, anger is sometimes dismissed as inappropriate or unhelpful, even harmful; and it can be. Yet, for many people dealing with long-term health challenges, anger can be a natural reaction to the pain, limitati

Chronic illness presents a relentless challenge, not only to the body but to the human spirit. Living with a condition that does not resolve quickly, and may never fully disappear, demands more than just medical intervention; it requires resilience. Resilience - the capacity to adapt in the face of adversity - becomes a vital psychological resource for those navigating the long, unpredictable terrain of chronic illness.

Human beings are wired for connection. From the earliest moments of life, our nervous systems develop within the context of relationships, and this interdependence continues throughout our lifespan. One of the most profound ways we influence one another is through co-regulation; the process by which two or more people attune to each other’s internal states, providing a stabilizing influence on emotional, mental, and even physical functioning.

Among the many symptoms that accompany chronic illness, fatigue is one of the most common, and one of the most misunderstood. Unlike typical tiredness that resolves with rest, chronic illness-related fatigue is persistent, pervasive, and often debilitating. It is not simply a matter of needing more sleep or trying harder to stay active; it is a profound exhaustion that affects the body, mind, and spirit.

Chronic illness can bring immense physical, emotional, and social challenges. Symptoms may be relentless, treatments may fail, and healthcare systems may disappoint. These realities can leave anyone feeling powerless. However, for some, this sense of powerlessness evolves into a victim mentality - a habitual way of interpreting life through the lens of helplessness, blame, and defeat.